Everything terrifies me.
I don’t just mean going skydiving or asking a boy out on a date. That goes without saying – although I’m not sure which one scares me most these days.
I mean literally everything.
Meeting someone I don’t really know for coffee. Getting the right change at the grocery store check-out. The blinking cursor on my screen when I want to tell a story but I don’t know where to start.
I’ve challenged myself a lot this year, and I’ve had to step out of my comfort zone repeatedly. You know how they say the only way to stop being terrified of something is to do it all over again? That’s not entirely true. The way I see, things get easier over time… but no less terrifying. The things that scare us will always do so – that’s pretty much coded into our DNA.
What matters most is not being terrified… but being brave.
Nothing I accomplished this year has gotten any less scary. Vulnerability, boys, careers? Yup, I just had a pow-wow with my brain and heart, and they’re still terrifying.
But I’m not afraid to try anymore.
I’ve finally accepted the fact that I am a writer. So I will write, because I want to and need to. My fear of failure won’t matter because the only true failure is not to write.
I like a boy? I will work up the courage to ask him out. In my own time.
I’m not happy with something? I will make a change.
I’ve always been a “no risk, no heartbreak” kind of girl. But that hasn’t really paid off. That’s not living – that’s avoiding life. And I want to feel everything.
I’m okay with being scared as long as I keep on living.
Maybe along the way, I can conquer a few fears, and one day I’ll look back and wonder what I was even scared of in the first place.